Chick Cars/My Brother's new PRIUS

My brother, who is a total car fanatic, bought a Toyota Prius last week. As I sat here questioning his, uhh, masculinity we’ll say I began thinking, what makes a car a chick car—other than the obvious, that it’s a Toyota Prius. The following list is the result of our highly technical scientific research on what makes a “chick car.”

• Any "sports car" that is available only with a four-cylinder engine and an automatic transmission is a chick car.
• Any car whose name means nothing is a chick car. This explains why a Camry is a chick car, but a Neon is not (unless it falls within the color categories listed below).
• Any car painted in pink, purple, light blue, or champagne is a chick car.
• Any car with numbers or letters for a name, or tacked on the end, can become a guy car. For example, F-150 or Civic-SI.
• Any car with a built in flower vase (we’re looking at you VW Beetle) is a chick car.
• Any convertible that can’t do 0-60 in less than 5.5 seconds is a chick car.

The following are definitely NOT chick cars:

• If the engine size is still given in cubic inches, especially if that number is over 400.
• If there was a movie or TV show built entirely around it. Examples include Burt Reynolds' Trans Am, the General Lee; and the Dodge Viper. The A-Team van probably counts too.
• The hood is more than five feet long.
• Full-sized pickup truck. Won't haul kids, but will haul 4x8 sheetrock. Points lost if it's too shiny. Cars with twice the horsepower needed. Used to show other guys how manly you really are.
• Ford Mustang (hardtop with V8 only). See above. Also benefit of having no place for a baby seat.
• Chevy Camaro: See Ford Mustang.
• Mercedes 500 Series, BMW 7 Series: No woman would ever spend that much on a car. (She would buy an SUV and have the living room redecorated.)
• Any car that won’t make it over a speed bump (either because it’s too low or because parts fall off each time it tries).
• Any car held together with bondo and painted entirely in primer gray (other than a Toyota Prius).

But it's not only the make, model, or color of the vehicle that makes it a chick car, but rather how the interior smells, and looks. The distinct aroma of the male car is a combination of stale, spilt coffee (the spilling occurs due to a female in the vehicle directly in front of you stopping for no apparent reason); windshield-wiper fluid (can't automobile manufacturers engineer a car that can hold a gallon of fluid rather than three quarts? which forces you to place the unused fluid, with the impossible-to-reseal cap, on the floor of the back seat, only to spill it when that same broad from the coffee encounter brakes, again for no apparent reason); and that musky Ben-Gay flavor (due to the soreness generated when you had to push the car to the tollbooth because you ran out of gas when you refused to stop and ask for directions.)